The 
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| Dear TINOTS Team, We have a huge monster in our garden. It's invisible and totally silent. It also has a bad odour yet we cannot smell it. And it hovers and it leaves no trace at all. HOW CAN I TELL IF IT'S THERE??? From Patrick Cundall (10) [received by e-mail] |
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Dear Patrick, That's a toughie. Obviously there's no way you can tell if it's there, but you can get rid of it. Here's what you must do: never take a bath, eat lots of garlic, cover yourself in dog poo, then stand in your garden shouting everything you learnt in Maths that day over and over again. The monster will run for its life and you'll never not see it again. PS. This will probably get rid of your neighbours too -- and all your friends -- so I hope you don't like any of them! |
| Dear TINOTS, Where I live it's very bushy. The other day I found huge footprints along the bush track where I always walk. Could this be caused by a Bigfoot? Sincerely, Bushwalker |
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Dear Bushwalker, It might be caused by a big foot. Check your shoe size. |
| Dear TINOTS, Is it possible to meet a vampire in the middle of the day? Signed, Sonny |
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Dear Sonny, Sure, if you make an appointment. That way the vampire will know to wear 50+ blockout, a sunhat and dark glasses. |
| Dear TINOTS, I've watched all those Godzilla movies and really love them. But if there really are monsters that size, how come I've never seen one in real life? Yours, Big Julie |
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Dear Big Julie, They're very shy and not very smart. They spend most of their free time at home learning their lines. |
