There once was a monster named Rumsmag
Who was known as an evil yet glum dag.
He would wear waist-high pants
And keep people like ants
On the muck in the back of his bumbag.
To celebrate the imminent appearance on Amazon.com of Daikaiju! 2: Revenge of the Giant Monsters (edited by Robert Hood and Robin Pen and published by Agog! Press), I’ve decided to run a Giant Monstrous Limerick Competition.
Simply write the best and/or most ridiculous limerick about a giant monster that you can and post it as a comment to this Undead Backbrain blogpost.
Prize
A copy of the exclusive limited-run edition of Daikaiju! 2: Revenge of the Giant Monsters will be awarded to the two best limericks. For the uninitiated, here is the cover:
and you can find out more about the anthology
here.
Rules and Conditions
Any limerick entered in the Giant Monstrous Limerick Competition must conform to the rules of the limerick sub-genre, as interpreted by the Undead Backbrain.
The limerick must feature a giant monster of some kind. Decisions as to exactly how big a monster must be in order to be considered a giant monster will be left to the discretion of the Backbrain.
If a limerick is judged by the Backbrain to be too obscene, it shall be deleted at his discretion.
Multiple entries are acceptable.
The Backbrain’s decision on all matters shall be final and very little correspondence shall be entered into…. etc.
The Giant Monstrous Limerick Competition shall end when the Backbrain has had enough of it.
The Giant Monstrous Limerick Competition is open to anyone worldwide, of any age, nationality, religious persuasion or species — though if the best entries are by myself (unlikely, given the above example), Robin Pen or Cat Sparks, such entries won’t be awarded the prize, which will be made available to the Next Best Entry.
It would be helpful if all entries were in English. more or less.
The Backbrain reserves the right to put any of the limericks in a gallery on his website, along with the names or nom de plumes of the authors of said limericks, though of course the authors otherwise retain their own copyright and can do with their limericks whatever they want.
In case of dispute, the final Arbitrator shall be Pazuzu the Cat.
That’s it! I can’t think of any more rules. I hereby declare the Giant Monstrous Limerick Competition open.
Please feel free to tell everyone you know about it.
And have fun!
what can I do, I’m drawn to the suggestive – maybe there’s a Samaritans group for compulsive limerickers?
I think any decent young fellar
would see all the problems and tell her
– wedding giant crustaceans
is frought with frustration
– you wouldn’t undress her, you’d shell her.
Shades of ‘The Boneyard’-
Feeding it Alien food’ll
ruin the shape of your poodle
and might even fill a
beast like Godzilla
with awe at the size of its noodle.
(noodle=tuft at the end of the tail, honest!)
Godzilla’s getting no thinner,
He had my grandma for dinner,
As she fell in his gob
She cried “Pete’s sake, Rob!
Hurry up lad, and pick out a winner!”
Mothra fell from Australian skies,
Ignoring their working class cries,
Said “Never fear,
I’m just passing through here,
Because bogans go straight to my thighs.”
I slammed on the brakes in my Combi,
Behold: a 100-foot zombie!
He said “How do you do,
I’m here ’cause of voodoo,
Now, how do I find Abercrombie?”
OK, Jason, I can take the hint. You’re getting impatient. Well, I’ll pick out a winner over the weekend. How about that? The result of the Competition will be announced on Sunday night. Watch this space!