Caterpillar Rampage!

News broke today of a rampaging caterpillar in Columbus, Ohio! It apparently left a trail of destruction through the city.

COLUMBUS, OH—A ravenous caterpillar escaped from captivity today, wreaking havoc as it devoured everything in its sight and carved a half-centimeter path of destruction across the city, horrified sources reported.

Confined to a glass viewing chamber since late May, the savage creature reportedly broke free from its bedside enclosure before slithering out of an open window and charging wildly toward the city’s unsuspecting commercial district.

“I came back home and it was gone,” said 8-year-old resident Daniel Bogen, whose hubris and reckless abandon has unleashed a terror of immeasurable proportions onto the community. “I thought I twisted the lid on the jar real tight. Where did it go?”

Stretching out to a monstrous 75 millimeters, the beast’s segmented body left behind a swath of devastation as it uprooted entire blades of grass, snapped whole clover stems in half with a single bite from its jaws, and marauded past residential structures helpless against its larval fury.

Read the full story here.

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