It’s hard not to put the lot! But I’ve narrowed it down to the following, based on quirky rationales of my own. Cat Sparks will pick the final winners.
When interviewing Biolante:
He started to get a bit ranty.
What he said made me shiver —
“I ate Rodan’s liver,
With beans, and a pleasant chianti.”
There once was a kraken named Shirley.
Some people said she was surly.
But that’s not quite true:
There’s ship-sinking to do,
And she had to get up rather early.
Sean Williams wrote up a storm —
Monsters great, ferocious and forlorn.
He gazed into the abyss
And it gave him a kiss —
He demolished Tokyo yesterday morn.
“All our names sound the same,” declared Baragon.
“What nonsense, you moron,” scoffed Megalon.
“No, he’s right,” said King Ghidorah,
playing pool with Desghidorah,
“That’s a crock!” yelled their good friend, Mechani-Kong.
Did you hear the latest ’bout Rodan?
He went down to the Monsterland Hoedown.
He got drunk at a fountain
That was spewin’ Blue Mountain
And he smushed the Abominable Snowman.
She cried, “Look out there. I see Mothra!”
From the bed he sighed, “I can be bothred.
With monsters gargantuan,
from King Ghidorah to Rodan,
this city is perpetually smothred.”
I blame Bowie for what happened to Gamera.
Makeup? Glitter? A name change to “Glamera”?
I could handle the androgyny
And the glam kaiju progeny
But I won’t listen to “Mott the Ghidorah.”
Ghidrah the Three headed Beast
Was last seen flying out of the East.
With his rampaging trill
Monster Zero could kill —
He should have his own franchise at least.
King Kong left a great hairy mound,
When he tumbled and fell to the ground.
It took some good shootin’
To prove ala Newton
He’s aerodynamically sound.
I can’t get a date with Gojira!
He’s seeing a Goth grrl called Vera.
Her pop culture cred
Means she’s light years ahead
Guess I’ll settle instead for Chimera.
In the circus I had a great calling:
Cleaning up what from elephants kept falling.
Next time Godzilla walks by
You will know who am I —
I’m the guy with the broom, sitting, bawling.
There once was Giant Behemoth
Spoke kinda old-fashioned, it seemeth.
It ran wild on the loose
And squashed a caboose
And the rivers with bloody gore teemeth.
There once was a giant crustacean
Who moaned in extreme frustration
See Gojira and Kong
Have fan-clubs so strong
Yet a mega-crab feels no such elation.
There was a young lady of Niger
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger;
They returned from the ride
With those two inside
the insatiable belly of Jiger.
Godzilla was minding his young
When a skyscraper eclipsed the sun.
Urbanly it sprawled
T’wards his nest towering tall —
The buildings’ revenge had begun!
I think any decent young fellar
would see all the problems and tell her
— wedding giant crustaceans
is frought with frustrations
— you wouldn’t undress her, you’d shell her.